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Joke of the Day

"In Sweden paternity leave is a big thing. And it is very challenging, almost every father loses 23lb in the first few weeks. They have no idea where the baby is."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but you have to get them in there first."

"A gang of nefarious thieves walk into a bar. ""Ouch,"" they said."

"What did Arnold Schwarzenegger become after he resigned as Governor of California? An ex-terminator."

"Remember when social awkwardness was a bad thing and not what drew us together into online communities of self-loathing and horrible puns?"

"My boyfriend broke up with because I make too many Linkin Park references, but in the end it doesn't even matter."

"What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon? Ten-ish"

"""How do you know that God isn't a woman?"" Because I'm not a sandwich."

"I hope puns are okay. If you live downwind from a milk processing plant, everything smells like dairy air."

"Neighbor: Yard sale huh? How much's mower? Me: $50 Him: Wait! That's the one you borrowed from me! Me: $20 Him: Its a $500 mower! Me: ..$100"