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Joke of the Day

"Told my mom ""The D"" stood for donuts, and now she won't stop telling people she wants the chocolate D."

"How do pirates know they are pirates? They think therefore they arrr"

"How do you say Constipated in German? Farfrompoopin"

"I just got a job in a Reggae band. I've just got a job in a Reggae band, It's rather easy because I play the Triangle... All I do is stand at the back n ting."

"[me, leaving a funeral] That was fantastic. Let's do this again sometime."

"My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again."

"A Norwegian, a Swede and a Finn are on an island The Norwegian shoots the other two."

"What's the worst part about vaping? Telling your parents you're gay."

"If I had a dollar for every girl I fucked ... ... I would be still fucking poor!"

"I just got my roof painted. The painters worked all day long, when I asked them how much I had to pay, they just replied, ""Don't worry about the paint, it's on the house. """