40017

Joke of the Day

"[me, leaving a funeral] That was fantastic. Let's do this again sometime."

"The captcha required for submitting isn't working. Since I post every few days, my human can do them for me. ERROR: CAPTCHA DETECTED."

"My girlfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends."

"How did SkyMall go bankrupt? I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me."

"Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that."

"What's the difference between Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons? One porks women the other un-porks them."

"TIFU by forgetting that today is Fathers day But it's actually on the 21st...soooo"

"Why don't you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it."

"When did they decide that every razor had to look like a piece that fell off a Transformer?"

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? TWO....but it's really hard to get them in there"