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Joke of the Day

"Arnold Schwarzenegger glancing up excitedly and then looking away disappointedly multiple times while watching the intro to ""Hey Arnold"""

"[Michael Cera running a slice of toast under the cold tap to soften up the sharp edges before eating it]"

"""Florence + the Machine"" would be a funny name for a Leonardo da Vinci biopic. Follow this account for more goodass Renaissance tweets"

"Have you heard my unemployment joke? Yeah, it needs a little work."

"Which sport is more lame: frisbee, or curling? Discus"

"What do you call a drum that causes problems? A conundrum"

"3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave"

"Why are jokes about rotten eggs banned? Because they're infeggtious"

"I just think there are a lot more animals out there we could be eating."

"It must be pretty bad being the wife of a suicide bomber... Because if they come home after work, they've had a bad day."