40519

Joke of the Day

"3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave"

"Woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee and then took a nap... So no, technically, Ms. Snooty HR, I didn't sleep through my alarm again."

"Gangs should do drive-bys with t-shirt guns it'd be less violent & the shirt could say ""you suck"" so the target still gets the message"

"What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? One doesn't cry sexism when you fire it."

"What kind of educational background do you need to have to work at the gas station that directs teens to their deaths in a horror movie?"

"How many Patriots fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They're fine sucking each other's dicks in the dark. Preemptive edit: Not my joke."

"If you didn't take a selfie at the gym, were you really there?"

"Why did the big pig want to go on stage? There was a lot of ham in him."

"no one knows where the sky starts. ""here?"" wonders one scientist, her hand just above her head. ""how about here"" says another, crouching."

"What does a nosey pepper do? Get Jalapeno business."