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Joke of the Day

"What do Kermit the Frog and David Cameron Have in Common? They both like to pork."

"[paddling silently along the amazon in 2-man kayak taking in it's beauty] *from behind me* you know they named this after a website"

"What did the paper clip say to the magnet? I find you very attractive. "

"Pele sees a pretty woman at a bar. He approaches her and says ""You're very pretty. Fancy coming back to my place?"" The woman says ""My, you're a little forward."""

"My gym instructor says that Warm-Ups are extremely necessary. So, I brought donuts along this time but I can't find the microwave oven."

"Me: Alexa, are you listening even when I don't say 'Alexa'? Alexa: No, I only listen when you say 'Alexa'. M: Thanks A: Welcome M: Hey!"

"Does any one need work. Working with tulips? Putting your tulips on these nuts."

"What's a sick persons favourite rhythm game? Catarrh Hero"

"I saw my ex while taking a test today wonder if she cheated on that too..."

"So the woman sitting next to me on a plane with an infant in her lap looks over to me and asks, ""do you mind if I breast feed?"" And I respond, ""no thanks I already ate."" Too harsh of a dad joke?"