90156

Joke of the Day

"Whenever I'm about to get in a bar fight, I give a karate bow to my opponent in hopes he gets scared and backs out before I piss myself."

"Why are there no bungalows in France? Because the French have many flaws"

"What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer."

"Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn't have waffle cones but they had PICTURES of waffle cones. That guy was me."

"[Wall Street] ME: haha Hump Day, amiright? HUMPTY DUMPTY *rolls eyes* ME: eh? *nudge* HD: Dude don't- ME: eh? *harder nudge* EH? Oh shit"

"My dad got me at the adoption center today He pretended to just leave me there. Good one dad, now come pick me up please."

"You ever notice how many narcissistic pirates there are? Everyone I meet won't stop saying Aye!"

"There's nothing more awkward than... There's nothing more awkward than throwing a surprise party for a psychic."

"Why is a dance like a bowl of cereal? They are both more enjoyable with dates!"

"Funny things to say after loudly farting in a public toilet I'll start with a couple I've heard: ""Systems check cleared - ready for drop..."" ""Whups, I'm sorry, I need to get that fixed..."""