105719

Joke of the Day

"Funny things to say after loudly farting in a public toilet I'll start with a couple I've heard: ""Systems check cleared - ready for drop..."" ""Whups, I'm sorry, I need to get that fixed..."""

"Sad to think this is the tallest I'll ever be, barring some kind of awesome mutation."

"Wheat derived protein is totally innocuous and not at all evil... ... Hail seitan!"

"Check out this list number 5 is awesome. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.awesome"

"What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid 200 dollars to have a garbanzo bean on my chest."

"I started a revolution once. But I got dizzy, so i stopped!"

"Why does noddy have bell on his hat? Because he is a cunt."

"What's the difference between Bill Clinton and JFK? One got his head blown off while the other got assasinated."

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."