90155

Joke of the Day

"You know all those things that ""Have been shown to cause cancer in the state of California""? Seems they prove the state of California causes cancer."

"Mom: Take out the trash *I take the trash on a lovely date* Mom: Not what I meant *I assassinate the trash in an ally* Mom: Still wrong"

"My dick is like and old antenna television... ...it takes a pair of needle nosed pliers, and a few smacks from my father to get turned on."

"God grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I can't even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference"

"Clearly the people that design refrigerators don't know me if they think 1 tiny cheese drawer & 2 giant vegetable drawers is the way to go."

"Two guys are busted stealing a calender The both got 6 months"

"I don't mind people sneezing in public. It's that ""Pre-sneeze face"" they make that scares the hell out of me."

"11.45: Arrived at crime scene 11.45: Examined body. Signs of a struggle 11.45: Found murder weapon in drain 11.45: Realised watch was broken"

"The new guy at work has been getting a lot of customer complaints lately. Probably because I wear his name tag when he's not there."

"The home invasion ruined us. We never stood a chance against the houses."