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Joke of the Day

"11.45: Arrived at crime scene 11.45: Examined body. Signs of a struggle 11.45: Found murder weapon in drain 11.45: Realised watch was broken"

"Animal Crackers Please do not eat if the seal is broken."

"I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward."

"I remember the last thing my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. I wonder how far I can kick this bucket?"

"I like my women like I like my Chinese chemical storage facilities Ready to blow at any minute"

"Ice Bank Mice Elf (repeat this 10 times fast)"

"I was talking with a friend about my car... I told him about how, now that I have a kid, the car isn't very practical. He offered me 3,000 dollars for it. Sucker, he's gonna hate being a dad."

"Why does Trump like French music? Because he likes to grab them by Debussy."

"Why are redneck murders the hardest to solve? All the DNA matches and there's no dental records. Edit: made it to the hot page, my dad would be so proud, if only he knew who i was"

"Why aren't cremations given out for free? Because you have to urn them."