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Joke of the Day

"Clearly the people that design refrigerators don't know me if they think 1 tiny cheese drawer & 2 giant vegetable drawers is the way to go."

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"She says talking to me is like talking to a kid. Therapist: And how many years has this been going on? *holds up 6 fingers* This many"
"How many germans does it take to change a lightbulp? One. We are efficient and don't have any humor."
"My five year plan? I don't even have a five minute plan."
"Little Willy Was A Chemist Little Willy is no More For what he thought was H20 was H2SO4"
"Why does Bank of America not have a backspace on the ATM keypad? Because America is never wrong."
"Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me... I suffered super fish oil injuries."
"I keep having this dream that I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?"
"What do you do if you're Fighting a group of circus performers? Go for the juggler"
"""What's that?"" A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* ""WTH!?!"""