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Joke of the Day

"Seriously how much of Krypton fell to earth and how do bad guys keep finding it? You're Superman, handle your shit. This ain't a game, dawg."

"I went into Paris to eat some Snails... and ended up with a belly full of Slugs"

"1 Buy a racehorse 2 Hire a TMZ reporter as the jockey 3 Tell him a minor celebrities is drunk at the finish line 4 Win literally every race"

"What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz? Cheese was."

"Did you hear about the man who had his right side cut off He's dead. Died from blood loss. Poor guy. On the bright side, his family got what's left of him."

"You can be the most beautiful woman on the planet but if you can't cook don't worry I can"

"The Internet manages to show how far Homo Sapeins have come while simultaneously showing how far they haven't."

"I always party like it's 1999. Standing in a corner talking to nerds about The Matrix."

"physics gives me a large hadron."

"What's the difference between a hipster and a homeless man? An Instagram account."