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Joke of the Day

"My 4yo brought his Woody doll to the store and was swinging it around. I told him loudly to stop hitting people with his Woody. Parenting."

"What does Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common? They are both made of plastic and get turned on by children!"

"Seek respect, not attention. It lasts longer."

"*feels the music* Music: ""ew. no."""

"I wear a diaper for two reasons... Number one and number two."

"I highly doubt that Monica Lewinsky will support Hillary in 2016. I mean, the last time a Clinton was a president, it left a really bad taste in her mouth."

"I could tell a good gardening joke but it's too dirty."

"Me: [sneaks off to lay by pool cuz kids are finally playing] 7yo: HERE I AM MOMMY SO YOU DON'T HAFTA BE ALONE Me: [sigh] Thanks bud."

"[ouija board] Spirits im in need of your help O N L Y I F Y O U H E L P U S Sure W T F I S Y O U R W I F I P A S S W O R D"

"What did the ocean say? Nothing, he just waved."