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Joke of the Day

"""Do you wanna build a snowman?"" ""Sir, this is a Build a Bear shop."" *Pulls out carrot ""Oh, you brought a carrot. Sure, whatever."""

Next Joke
 
"Today's lunch: Pan fried pork chops, cheesy hash brown casserole, peach cobbler, a quick defibrillation and two stents."
"My Jewish friend told me about Krav Maga.... To which I replied ""is that some sort of a legal term?"""
"I overheard a super skinny girl say that she sometimes forgets to eat. So naturally I licked her face to see if it was contagious"
"""I really wish you'd post more 4sq checkins & tumblr links"" -no one on Twitter ever"
"While it paints me to say this... I'm really not much of an artist."
"A friend asked me if I'd rather marry a mediocre woman, or my dream girl-- plus a dick. ""That's easy,"" I said. ""I don't want to settle for average. I'll take the girl with two dicks."""
"Listen buddy, I never said they were for sale. I just put the ""FRESH EGGS"" sign in my yard to brag"
"Did do hear about the part of my house that died from a drug overdose? He was an attic"
"Yo mama so fat that black holes revolve around her."