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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a women who always knows where her husband is? A widow"

"I don't remember 6th grade science being this hard. But then again, in 6th grade, I wasn't trying to do homework after 3 glasses of wine."

"How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb? To get to the other side."

"My wife told me she wanted the body of a stripper. But she screamed when I brought her one."

"What did Helen Keller scream when she got mugged? Nothing. It was winter and she had mittens on."

"Gold fish don't like being pulled out of their tank for a cuddle."

"How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is a hardware problem."

"Q: Why did the blonde make love in the microwave? A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes."

"DirecTV/Spongebob Joke Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? I don't know I have DirecTV."

"I bet Seal is terrified of shark week."