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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a repost and a bullet? I don't want to put a repost in my mouth"

"What did the magician's girlfriend say to the magician? I can't see you anymore."

"""I gave him the what for!"" ""What for?"" ""Because he deserved it, that's what for!"""

"These days, satisfying my sex drive is like using Uber. It's a nervous ride with a stranger who expects to be paid after we reach the end."

"Don't get mad. Get odd. Like incredibly odd. Show up in a clown suit to their work. Draw potatoes on all their mirrors. Make them be afraid."

"What's the best part of a baker's body? Their buns."

"My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test."

"I see children like I see bongo drums They're slightly irritating but it's fashionable for the rich to bring them back from Africa Edit:people also dislike it when you beat them In public"

"[chameleon conference] Boss: Is... everyone here? *crickets* Boss: I know Keith is. He brought the yummy crickets. Thx Keith: You're welcome"

"What do you call the sound a ghost makes when he calls you? A phone moan."