89228

Joke of the Day

"Cop: What is your line of business? Me [mumbling]: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening."

"I just burned 2000 calories... That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap!!!"

"Theres plenty of fish in the sea. Theres loads of trash at the dump. Theres tons of bones in a skeleton. Bugs are everywhere."

"My friend texted saying she was threatened by an organization. ""And their name was"" ""ISIS"" ""Calm down! Is who?"""

"This one time, I went to prison, but I got out without a scratch- I beat off all the other prisoners"

"Scientists remain baffled as to why the people on the internet really like pictures of cats and cats doing things."

"your dirty mind "" Give it to me"" she yelled, ""i am so fucking wet, give it to me now"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"WIFE: don't be weird at the party tonight ME: am i ever weird? [dinner party] CHERYL: how's the soup taste? ME: like the blood of my enemies"

"I like my pasta like I like my prostitues With a little sausage"

"What is the internal temperature of a Tauntaun? Luke Warm"