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Joke of the Day
"Why was the baby put in jail? For resisting a rest. ^^^^I'll ^^^^take ^^^^my ^^^^coat"
Next Joke
"What do you get when you cross a Star Wars ship with math? A Pi fighter"
"Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, your pets in tupperware, your grandad in a crockpot and your mother in law in a ziplock bag."
"Brad Pitt was just telling my friend he liked me & then I woke up so it looks like the best part of my day is already bullshit & over."
"I like to think that hobos that talk to themselves are just recording a podcast."
"On soy milk cartons, the missing kids are always named ""Skylar"" and were last seen getting into a Prius"
"My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine."
"What's the worst thing about 90's kids? They fight back."
"Why do elephants hate flying? The seats are too small."
"My niece said I look like a mom. So now we're playing a game, sorta like Hide-N-Seek, except I hide her and no one finds her. Ever."