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Joke of the Day

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend until the acid wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Walmart parking lot."

"What do you call a boat that won't float? Bloated."

"Ten years from now mankind will be illiterate, and we'll only communicate through pictures of our breakfasts."

"Windows 7, windows 8, windows 10, Why did they skip 9? Because, 7 8 9..."

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"Where can you buy freshly cut meats and cheeses while a British woman sings to you Adele-i"

"Why did the necromancer fail to meet his quarterly sales goal? He ran his business on a skeleton crew."

"I never feel entirely comfortable leaving a music gig... It's disconcerting."

"Do you know what the twins were doing in the wigwam? I can't tell you... it's *two-in-tents*."

"I had a dream that I killed all the dumb shirtless guys with 'swag' and their duckfaced girlfriends. It was the Yolocaust."