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Joke of the Day

"Mosses did not parted the Red Sea. Chuck Norris did. The Bible got confused because Mosses and Chuck Norris sound so much alike."

"Any bar is a karaoke bar if you're drunk enough."

"Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be reincarnated as a stud? He woke up on a snow tire in Michigan."

"HAMLET:*Draws sword* How now! a rat?? *stabs curtain* LORD POLONIUS: O, I am slain! This is the w'rst game of hideth and seeketh ev'r *dies*"

"How does a man cut his hair on the moon? Eclipse it"

"If you're having bow problems I feel bad for you son. I dodged 99 arrows but my knee took one."

"Fun Fact: The human brain isn't able to register typos or grammar errors until after hitting teh Send button."

"[commercial for rakes] ""Are u tired of eating leaves?"""

"""You clean up nicely"", is just a polite way of saying, ""You usually look like shit."""

"ME: how long will it take to remodel my house? CONTRACTOR: only about 2 months [9 years later] CONTRACTOR: ok so we've installed 1 stair"