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Joke of the Day
"[commercial for rakes] ""Are u tired of eating leaves?"""
Next Joke
"I told my girlfriend I was named after Thomas Jefferson. She said, ""Your name is Brian."" I said, ""Right. But I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson."""
"My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me."
"i argued with the parrot at the pet store until it got sold away and the guy who bought it wouldnt let me in his car. that means i won"
"Who do you call to clean up foul language? A cuss-todian!"
"Wife: I left the kids with you for a half hour & they dumped 3 pounds of sugar in the dryer trying to make cotton candy. Me: Did it work?"
"The real heroes are the people who don't call back when you accidentally call them and only let it ring once."
"I entered ten puns into a pun contest, hoping one would win... But I've never been good at puns."
"What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down."
"I hate it when restraining orders get in the way of meaningful relationships. Well played future wife. You win this round"