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Joke of the Day

"How many homeless guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 2, but I have no idea how you're gonna fit both of them inside a lightbulb."

"Having sex with a pregnant woman is like putting gas in a car that you've already wrecked. That's why I pull into the self serve"

"A better world I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned."

"What is the height of slime? A jellyfish having a wank in a bowl of snot."

"Accidentally used the elephant emoji so thanks, Apple, for the next five hours of fighting"

"Bruce Jenner's Gender. . . Is turning into a real Brucehaha"

"[in heaven after crucifixion] jesus: ""they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there"" god: [rubbing his neck] ""see the thing is"""

"Telling my daugthers date that ""she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her."" *Correct way to parent."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amour ! Amour who? Amour you eat the more you want !"

"[gets found guilty of murder] [sentenced to 3 years of listening to Pitbull on repeat] [appeals] [gets sentence reduced to lethal injection]"