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Joke of the Day

"Mum Mum Dad's broken my computer! How did he do that? I dropped it on his head."

"The 2016 US Presidential Election That's it. That's the entire fucking joke. Edit: Woke up to hundreds of messages and FP status. Damn. Thanks, folks! And thanks for the gold!"

"[On a treadmill next to a girl at the gym] Me: *Out of breath* Feeling the burn? Her: Yup Me: Me too! Her: How? Your machine isn't even on"

"What's the difference between a lesbian and a straight girl? Four drinks."

"Have you heard about Polish Roulette? It's played exactly the same way as Russian Roulette, except with a semi-automatic pistol."

"I was walking though a forest With a young girl the other night and she said ""I'm scared"" I said ""Your scared, I've gotta walk back on my own"""

"I don't understand poor people They keep saying they have ""nothing"", then when there's a flood ot a fire, they say they lost ""everything""."

"Why do Congressmen make terrible cashiers? They're all too afraid of change."

"What does Bill Cosby have in common with a Pokemon trainer? He makes sure his catch is weak before he throws his balls at them."

"My new years resolution is 3840 X 2160 because I recently bought a 4K monitor."