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Joke of the Day

"Snatch, twat, fanny, cunt, pussy, box, split-arse, and of course vagina. Just a few of the names I have given to my cats."

"Why couldn't the melons run away and get married? They cantelope."

"Mary and Joseph chose to have Jesus in a barn rather than spend Christmas with their families."

"""I'm in international waters, your damn laws can't touch me"" I scream to the police as I dog paddle naked in my neighbors swimming pool."

"Four 6 year old girls playing quietly at 7am is called a horde of elephants having a foot race."

"INTERVIEWER: What did you like most about your last job? ME: *leans in way too close* Leaving it."

"In some parts of the world, it's considered rude to be a woman."

"I'll bet Vampire Kiddies enjoy scabs as much as human Kids love pudding skin"

"TIFU by walking into the class of the wrong substitute teacher Whoops, wrong sub."

"A man in Phoenix accidentally shot himself in the leg while in line at Walmart on Saturday. Or, as they call that in Arizona, ""taking a selfie."""