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Joke of the Day

"People in love use phrases like ""takes my breath away"" and ""swept me off my feet"". I think they're confusing love with attempted murder."

"DOOM 4. All of the guns suck, so we made punching take forever."

"What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino? Hell if I know! (elephino)"

"My neighbour hit the post reversing out of the driveway. He hit the poor man delivering it too."

"Lol Q: What's Peter Pan's favorite restaurant? A: Wendy's!"

"I like to remind my kids who's boss by putting a cherry tomato on top of their ice cream sundaes every once in a while."

"Nobody in this grocery store thinks I'm a good bowler. Also, clean up in aisle four."

"I don't speak button, but if I could I'm pretty sure the button on my jeans is saying, ""Aaaaah! Help me!"" right now."

"In retrospect, when you look back at your own tweets, you cannot help but think how narcissistic you sound."

"So my math teacher asked me to do an initial value problem... ...and I said, ""Y Naught?"""