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Joke of the Day

"What are two things you can't give a black person? (Semi racist) A black eye and a fat lip."

"So I was applying to be a time machine technician.. There wasn't any openings right now, but there may be in the future."

"(Watching Liar Liar) Wife: If you couldn't lie for 24 hrs, how much longer would we be married? Me: Until the end of this movie."

"Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Has there been a string of unsolved murders in the news? Doctor: No. Me: Then, no, I haven't."

"A city child came running into the farmhouse. ""No wonder that mama pig is so big"" she yelled. ""There's a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!"""

"People always complain that I'm ""out there."" [On the phone. To the cops. While I'm sitting in their birdbath.]"

"There's only one group of people dumb enough to believe in astrology... Scorpios"

"I text this girl who was renting a room in my house ""I want to lick you out"" If she likes the text then I go with it, if not I blame predictive text and it was meant to say ""I want to kick you out""."

"difference between erotic and kinky Erotic is is rubbing a feather all over your lover; Kinky is using the chicken."

"I met a girl named ""JKMNO"" today when I mispronounced her name. I asked her proper pronunciation... Her name was ""No L"""