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Joke of the Day

"My buddy asked me what it's like now that I'm circumcized I told him not much has changed, I just get a little less head."

"Excuses are like assholes... Fuck 'em"

"Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth."

"Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate! I didn't say anything to them though. I didn't want them to take offence."

"When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting 'No, man, I've got to go home.'"

"If guys were smart they would forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls buying frozen dinners and cat food."

"This morning there was large spider in my bath. I should really stop stealing equipment from the snooker club."

"What insect runs away from everything ? A flee !"

"Dominos dropped the ""pizza"" from its name because they're not legally allowed to call that pizza."

"""Objection your honor, the defense is badg-"" BADGERING THE WITNESS! JINX! You can't talk. *Judge gives a respectful nod* ""Case dismissed."""