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Joke of the Day

"This morning there was large spider in my bath. I should really stop stealing equipment from the snooker club."

"If a woman asks if you ""notice anything new"" tell her ""I do, your beauty surprises me every day."" Then continue thinking about velociraptors"

"You're one day closer to death AND you get free cake? What's not to like about birthdays?"

"At the school for the hearing impaired... ...no one can hear you scream!"

"What do computers and air conditioners have in common? Neither work when you open windows."

"The hot lady across the street had a seizure on her front lawn today. Her MILF shakes brought the paramedics to the yard."

"Why can't you tell Walter White a knock knock joke? Because HE is the one who knocks."

"What do you call a heard of masturbating cows? ....Beef stroganoff"

"My friend told me to let loose and be reckless today so I walked really fast with a bowl full of hot soup."

"What do you call two Mexican firefighters? Hose A and Hose B"