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Joke of the Day
"This year's election is a joke. I for one, find it Hillary-ous."
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"""Look on the bright side - at least there's more for us to drink with him gone"" is, apparently, not something one should say at a wake."
"Husband: I'll unload the dishwasher for you, honey. Me: No rush. 3 days later.......regrets saying no rush."
"A Muslim, A Commie, and an Illegal Alien walk into a bar.. and the bartender says, ""what can I get you Mr. President?"""
"I was at the pub the other day when the landlord walked up to me, handed me a phone and said, ""It's for you, sir"" ""Thanks mate,"" I said, took it and walked away. What a generous lad."
"Anyone who thinks Jesus wasn't a white man has never been to communion The body of Christ is a cracker."
"I like how McDonalds mixes the napkins in the to-go bag with the greasy food, so that even when I'm wiping my mouth I can get fatter."
"My girlfriend doesn't want to drop acid with me. She's acting like a basic bitch."
"Oh that's neat so you're a Cancer? Wait...astrologically or to society?"
"If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, then expect a long sentence."