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Joke of the Day

"""Look on the bright side - at least there's more for us to drink with him gone"" is, apparently, not something one should say at a wake."

"You cannot play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon"

"A man goes to the doctors, complaining about a pain in his eye. Man: Every time I drink coffee I get a sharp pain in my eye Doctor: Have you tried removing the spoon first"

"My wife and i got along so much better... When we were just brother and sister"

"When Chipotle says, ""Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?"" I pause, then say, ""Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."""

"Did you hear about the coprophile? He got off through a process of elimination."

"How do you climb a triangle? By scalene it"

"A recent survey asked 12 year old's what was their best accomplishment in 2015. 87 percent of them answered ""your mom"""

"A funny thing to do when someone's dog barks at you is say, ""I don't speak dog,"" and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently."

"Steve Jobs Maybe he was so disappointed with the new iPhone, that he died."