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Joke of the Day

"I read you can have a stroke without displaying any symptoms and I was like ""holy shit, I'm definitely not displaying any symptoms!"""

"A patient in his hospital bed asks his doctor... Patient: Doctor, how much time do I have left to live...? Doctor: Ten Patient: Ten what...? Doctor: Nine..."

"She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity."

"Does your brother keep himself clean? Oh yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or not."

"Twitter is the ideal medium for people who think of something clever to say five minutes after the opportunity has passed."

"What's the difference between askreddit's mods and askreddit's subscribers? Askreddit's subscribers are ok with offensive jokes."

"The other day, after much trial and error, I successfully became completely weightless... I was like, 0mg!"

"I was watching a TV program on various Religious orders and how the use stringed instruments. I was appalled by the amount of sects and violins!"

"my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET"

"What do you call a suicidal cow? Cowmikaze."