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Joke of the Day

"Twitter is the ideal medium for people who think of something clever to say five minutes after the opportunity has passed."

"Why do they even bother calling him 007, when the first thing he does is introduce himself using his REAL NAME?"

"Guys, for Valentine's Day leave 3 notes scattered around your house for your girlfriend that say ""Will"", ""you"", and ""me."" That'll keep her busy while you watch sports."

"Oh shit, my computer uses U.S. English. I wanted to 'save' the document but accidentally blew it up."

"It's ironic that pregnant people have to order virgin drinks."

"What is a chinese homosexual videogamer called? Gay Ming"

"If you're gonna buy me a drink...... At least push my stool in!"

"My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside."

"He rose from mild mannered Social Studies teacher... To vicious kingpin of a criminal cupcake empire. Coming soon to AMC: ""BAKING BRAD"""

"Why are Jewish Women like the Bermuda triangle They both swallow seamen."