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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cow that masturbates? Beef jerky."

"Once, a bucket of Sodium Hydroxide slipped out of Skrillex's hands. He dropped the base."

"I got banned from B&Q in Glasgow today Some cunt came up to me in an orange apron and asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in."

"*wakes up in a cold sweat* Ohhhh OVERALLS because you wear them over all your other clothes"

"I don't discriminate among size guys. Personally my favorite is 3 inches and goes by the name visa, mc, or amex."

"When is a door not a door? When it's a jar. (Doctor Who knew how to pun in the 60's)"

"""EVERYONE IS ENGAGED BUT YOU"" - facebook"

"There once was ... There once was a fellow named Wes, who tried to make his comments the best, although sometimes he missed, he never expected to get dissed, but some redditors downvoted nonetheless."

"Daughter text me from upstairs..come here and bring your glasses..that can only mean one thing...we are about to make fun of people on FB..."

"I had a dream I went to Hell and Satan forced me to sing karaoke with him. That's right, the Devil made me duet."