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Joke of the Day
"Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean? I've never had a lima bean on my face."
Next Joke
"[interview] So what's a personal strength? ""Honesty."" And a failing? ""I murder people who don't hire me."""
"(Job interview) ""How would you describe yourself?"" I'm very vague ""Ok, can you be more specific?"" No"
"People are like lottery tickets. You can point to a random one, say it's a loser, and you'll be right most of the time."
"next year big pixar movie for kids: follow the journey of a single tear down an old womans face as she learns her grandson died in a fire"
"My father always told me ""The way to a woman's heart is... ""...through her left breast."""
"What did the indian boy say to his mom before he left? Mumbai"
"Twins Yesterday, I was hanging out with my girlfriend when her identical twin sister walked by. Then my girlfriend asked me, ""Do you think my sister is pretty?"""
"If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn't, you should know that I ignored you first."
"Cereal is the sweatpants of food."