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Joke of the Day

"I can't understand why people say my girlfriend's legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks - but they certainly don't match."

"Waitress at Olive Garden tells me to say ""when"" and starts grating cheese on my salad I say nothing Room fills with Parmesan No one survives"

"The scientists a scientist went to a remote island with a dog in order to teach his speaking. Three years later, the scientist returns, and is asked about his experiment; he replied ""woof, woof, woof"""

"It's not about the sacrifices you have to make, it's about making sure your knife is sharp and they can't wiggle away."

"What's the difference between a woman coming out of church and a woman taking a bath? The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!"

"The moment you realise... The new COD has space battles and Star Wars battlefront doesn't."

"If you love something, set it free. (Does not apply to ferrets.)* *I am no longer allowed on the subway."

"Dont't drink and drive, it's very... whisky!"

"What do sex in a canoe and American beer have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"I went to shake the old man's hand But Parkinson's beat me to it"