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Joke of the Day

"My boss texted me... My boss texted me: ""Send me one of your funny jokes"" I replied: ""I will send you one l8r, I'm working right now"" He replied: ""LMAO, send me another one!"""

"How do you make a blonde laugh at Easter? Tell her a joke at Christmas"

"Some of you may be dismayed by Ted Cruz's recent annoucements But please remember that ""pulling out"" is the only acceptable way for a Christian to terminate a presidency"

"Personal ad: Handsome man (29), seeks short, open minded women to poke him in the eye with umbrellas. Busy streets only. No names please."

"I've just de-flowered a virgin. I mugged a Pokemon Go player coming out of a florists."

"What did the little boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened them yet."

"[Gets Twitter error: ""Somehow, somewhere, something went wrong""] I know Twitter, I know. That's why I'm here."

"What's the worst thing about suicide bombers? They're not organ donors."

"What did the Chinese guy think about assisted suicide? He was worried about the euthanasia..."

"Just bought lean chicken breasts instead of hot wings for supper because I'm a stupid fucking mature adult."