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Joke of the Day

"Ugh. Do I really need to register to your website to leave a comment? I just need to disagree with this asshole real quick."

"What's the best part about going to a concert in Paris? Free Shots"

"Going to sleep: It's so cold in here, I'm totally wearing these socks to bed Middle of the night: GET THESE DEVIL FOOT GLOVES OFF ME"

"I have never understood telephones ,i mean, how can sound travel at the speed of light"

"Sue from work says putting zucchini in her brownie makes it incredibly moist. I told Sue I've had similar successes."

"Doctor: I'm going to listen to your lungs so just breathe normal. Me: Well now you've made THAT nearly impossible."

"What is the difference between a Cat fish and a lawyer? One is a shit eating bottom sucker. The other one is a fish..."

"A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. ""Excuse me"" he said to the cat in charge ""Can you get milk stains out?"" ""Sure"" replied the cat. ""We'll have that stain licked in a minute!"""

"Popeye teaches us that the best reason to eat healthy is revenge. #CartoonLifeLessons"

"I bet the murder rate is so low in Canada because you have to go 300 miles to find someone to kill."