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Joke of the Day

"How do you get an LSU football player to stop masturbating? Paint his penis crimson and white, and he'll never beat it."

"*whistles at dog* DOG: I have a boyfriend"

"What did the guitarist say to the magician... Pick a chord, any chord."

"My sister's husband overdosed on Viagra... she took it hard."

"Sorry I called you ""sexy"" and didn't really mean it, but I was hungry and you were a mirage of pizza."

"How many leftists does it take to change a lightbulb? 8,000 to protest against the broken lightbulb but 0 to realize it won't change anything."

"I told this cashier she kinda looked like Lorde, and as I was walking out, heard the lady behind me assure her she did not look like Jesus."

"Excuse me waiter, this coffee tastes like mud Yes sir, it's fresh ground!"

"My nose won't stop running. But, to be fair, it's the only part of my body that's still in shape."

"I was visiting NYC for the first time when a black guy walked up to me and asked if the Yankees won I said, ""yeah man, you're free!"""