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Joke of the Day

"President Obama has done nothing for the people of Ohio. For example they still live there"

"Three tampons are walking down the street.. A light, a regular, and a super tampon are all walking down the street. Which one talks to you first? None. They are all stuck up bitches."

"I'm so broke.. .. that when my Identiy was stolen today and LifeLock called me and said I now have no money in my bank account. I was like, ""Sweet! I'm no longer in debt"""

"Any ideas for 'insults' that have no right answer? For example: did you get caught beating off in the corner? Love these types of jokes but can only think of a couple right now. Thanks!"

"My Swedish friend asked me to stop making Ikea jokes. Ikea'nt"

"I just got a Sleep Number mattress, and it turns out my sleep number is 911. Because a night in my bed, you'll never forget."

"Saw a sign at a gas station earlier that said ""car wash out of order."" So I waxed my car, sprayed it with water and then applied soap."

"8yo: mommy how old are you? Me: 46 8yo: *blink blink* so you seen a real dinosaur?"

"My kids saw a painting of Jesus & both thought it was Bob Marley. Clearly, I'm going to hell. My kids don't know what Bob Marley looks like"

"Why women live longer than men? Because shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying bills does."