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Joke of the Day

"My kids saw a painting of Jesus & both thought it was Bob Marley. Clearly, I'm going to hell. My kids don't know what Bob Marley looks like"

"If you have an Oculus Rift... Then you're Luckey."

"Someone invented a yoga mat that rolls itself. If that person reads this tweet, I have a fitted sheet I'd like for you to look at."

"Marines Lock a Marine in a room with 4 bowling balls. He'll lose one, break one, and one will be on fire. The other one is pregnant."

"Whats the difference between a rooster and a gay surfer? A rooster says, ""Cock-a-doodle-doo."". A surfer says, ""Dude, a Cock will do.""."

"If you had to choose between a billion dollars or world peace... how many bedrooms would your mansion have?"

"How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat? You use a spirit level."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. If engineered correctly."

"Getting a girlfriend is a lot like getting a car The more money you have, the more options you have."

"I like my lovers like I like my golf score Hand drawn, messy, and totally unconvincing."