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Joke of the Day

"I don't care what your favorite song is, if you set it as the alarm you wake up to in the morning, you'll want to stab it with other songs."

"Sometimes I wake up moody... The other times, i let her sleep."

"Q: Why did the ghoul knit herself three socks? A: Because she grew another foot."

"Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle ? Because of all the cheetahs !"

"""I just got engaged!"" -- Starship Enterprise"

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza store... and says, ""Can you make me one with everything?"""

"I went to a show at the zoo, but the monkeys went wild and stated flinging poo at everybody... What a shit show"

"Where do generals keep their armies? in their sleevies"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a bullet? The bullet gets out of the chamber."

"Alarm clocks should come with sounds like ""doll feet running into the closet"" Because I AM NOT HITTING SNOOZE WHEN I HEAR THAT SHIT"