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Joke of the Day
"I trimmed all the bushes in the front yard to make my house look bigger."
Next Joke
"I was hoping to lose weight when I quit drinking, but it turns out that's not how pregnancy works."
"What did the cheese maker say to his son after he dropped the cheese? That's no whey to go through life, son."
"So a finch asks his mother... ""Mom, why does my beak look different than yours?"" She replies, ""Well son, I hate to break it to you, but you're adapted."""
"What do you call people so good at their jobs, they retire because they did everything? The mythbusters and ghostbusters."
"How come I was wide awake while watching the Wall Street sewuel CAUSE MONEY NEVER SLEEPS!!!"
"Doctor, doctor, I keep suffering from halucinations that I'm the brightest star in the night sky. Surely, you can't be Sirius."
"There are exactly 2 options for headphone cord sizes: 1. Headphone users have torsos? 2. Giraffe strangler"
"[grocery store with 2yo] Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next? Me: a vasectomy"
"The ironic thing about Americans making fun of Canada is Iowa."