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Joke of the Day

"Doctor, doctor, I keep suffering from halucinations that I'm the brightest star in the night sky. Surely, you can't be Sirius."

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"April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring? Pilgrims"
"baby moses: [crying] mum: ""why wont he stop"" dad: ""throw him in the river lol"" mum: ""okay"" this is from a book called the bible"
"How do you know when a mongol is level? He's drooling from both corners of his mouth."
"Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian."
"One of the worst things you can possibly do to someone is return their text with a call."
"I saw a sign at a highschool advertising anal ogies I was confused until I saw handwritten note saying that the printer couldn't print the letter ""R"""
"What did Snoop Dogg say upon graduation as a EE major? My circuit breaker be trippin and my joint wouldn't solder..."
"I've got a new job crushing coke cans. Its soda pressing."
"Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car."