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Joke of the Day

"how many mice do you need to screw in a light bulb? just 2. The hard part is getting them into the light bulb."

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because he wasn't born yesterday"

"My girlfriend fell and got a bruise on her ass. It was nasty. and the bruise was ugly too."

"Waiter: how would you like your steak? Me: rare [later] Waiter: *brings steak with a 1st edition Charizard on it* Me: *tearing up* perfect"

"Married men live longer then single men. So if you want a slow death...... ;-)"

"My Grandfather... My grandfather covered himself in lard a month before his death... After that he went downhill very quickly."

"Why an Irish man might vote for Donald Trump Because he thinks his Capital will keep on Dublin under his presidency"

"Someone told me: You shouldn't fall in love because you might get hurt.... I said yeah: And you shouldn't fuckin live because you might die.."

"I started working on my 2nd million this year... Gave up on the first..."

"What does a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have handlebars. Well, except for the duck."