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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because he wasn't born yesterday"

"I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice. You don't want justice - you want mercy !"

"Lady and the Tramp spaghetti scene except it's me throat punching you for trying to eat my food."

"Why were the students confused by the gay kid's performance in school? He was getting straight D's"

"I know a hooker downtown that charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but you probably could. *(one-liner from the old guy that delivers stock to my work.)*"

"It's amazing that even 20 years later, pretending to shoot heroin with an mechanical pencil can still be a great way to procrastinate."

"Count Dracula survived on the blood of 18 year old virgins for Millennia... He died last year."

"Q: Why do owners of muffler shops sleep so good at night? A: They're exhausted."

"PERIOD! how can you tell the Romanian woman was on her period? she was wearing one sock"

"Why is the all-lisp percussion section so quiet? Because thimbles aren't very loud."