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Joke of the Day

"Michelle Obama telling America to drink more water is the best plan I've heard for making racists dehydrate to death."

"They're calling the internet a drug now. Don't worry, though. It's not as bad as Cocaine or Heroin. They're calling it a 503 bad gateway drug."

"Are these my brains? A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?' 'Not yet!' she replied!"

"If an object falls at 500ft/s how far must Mohammed run to escape the blast?"

"How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper."

"Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie? A: She's the one sleeping with the writer."

"What do you do after you licked the softest and sweetest puss in the world? You put it back in the crib."

"Why is the archaeologist sad? Because his career is in ruins."

"What do you call ravens trying to marry crows. Conspiracy to commit murder."

"Dana White has his cock so far up Joe Rogan's ass When he farts it stutters credit /u/Blackirishman"