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Joke of the Day

"What do you do after you licked the softest and sweetest puss in the world? You put it back in the crib."

"Why is your mom like a vacuum? She sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet. Not to mention she also gets turned on by your dad"

"If The Dark Side Of The Moon had tracks 3 and 5 removed The album would be timeless, but there wouldn't be any money in it."

"George washington said ""We would have a black president when pigs fly!"" ... well, swine flu."

"What do you call a reptile that likes to start fights The Insti-Gator"

"What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps? One are Walkers and the others just Lays around."

"[at dentist] so your X-rays look grea- *phone rings* hold on *on phone* a new engine? jesus, ok so as I was saying you have several cavities"

"Started playing with the self-retracting cord on my vacuum to find out how much weight it can pull; long story short, I'm Batman now."

"What did Helen Keller do when she was drowning? She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue."

"[Drives date home] ME [stops and revs engine sexily] I had a great time tonight DATE: [climbs off my lawnmower] I did not"