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Joke of the Day

"Episodes 4, 5, and 6 of Star Wars came before episodes 1, 2, and 3... ...because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was."

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in a microwave until it's Bill Withers."

"I learn something new every day that I didn't want to know."

"coworker asked me if I needed a hug and now he doesn't work here because people that are on fire can't work."

"Spent the day attempting crazy driving stunts because I forgot to read the fine print at the bottom of a car commercial."

"What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? I haven't seen you for a year!"

"Why did Simba's Father die? He didn't mufasta"

"[aquarium exit] Excuse me ma'am, would you mind opening your bag? I beg your pardon?! OPEN YOUR BAG *opens bag and reveals two penguins*"

"An Eskimo was driving through new Zealand His car suddenly broke down after a small wait the mechanic told him ""aw shut bro you've blown a seal"" to which the Eskimo replies ""shut up you fuck sheep"""

"Kindergarten reunion??!?!?! I've gained like 100 pounds since then. No way I'm showing up!!!!"