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Joke of the Day

"A friend said he couldn't come to my party because he has diarrhea. I don't believe him, I think he's full of shit."

"In the movies, anyone can hotwire a car in 10 seconds. In real life, it takes me 20 minutes to find the gas flap release on a rental."

"How's college supposed to prepare you for the real world? All it does is make you tired and stressed out and anxious and nevermind I get it."

"In the middle ages, it didn't take long to learn human anatomy. You could learn it all with one knight and a scalpel."

"What's a nice guys favorite type of wood? M'hogany"

"Never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised."

"""Don't kid yourself."" - birth control"

"What does Edgar Allen Poe call his women? Edgar Allen's......bitches!!!"

"A buzzard carrying two dead badgers tried to check in at the airport for his flight. The gate attendant told him, ""Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion."""

"What is a Viking's favorite music? Ragnarock"