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Joke of the Day

"Before I met my wife I was incomplete.. Now I'm finished."

"Did you hear about the American Athlete who was stripped of all her medals? When Olympic officials tested her urine, they found traces of Lance Armstrong."

"I feel like a lot of single women have been naming their cats Adele this year."

"Where did Robin Williams go after he died? To the Mork."

"I saw a guy with antlers on his car, so I shot it."

"Why did the children cross the playground? To get to the other slide."

"I just bought a used time machine on craigslist. They sure don't make them like they're going to anymore."

"cop: we found your wife with a knife in her back me: that doesn't sound like her, she never kept a knife there"

"How do you turn on a female mathematician? You Euler up."

"in hindsight, ms. frizzle taking a bus of children inside of an unsuspecting person was not ok. one of those rascals peed in his body."